Stoned Again

Another night.... Stoned....
Im sitting on the floor in my living room with my roomate and we are both on our laptops looking like a bunch of computer nerds and not even talking to each other.
I have smoked a few bowl's and thinking about calling "MR BIG" I dont want to be the one calling him all the time, so I challenge him in calling me once in a while. He does 80% of the time. I know I can always count on Berger to call me. He's always there for me. He is just soo wonderful to me and I am not perceiving it very well. I guess I am confused about what's the right thing for me compared to what I want. "Mr Big" Showers me with affection and smile's but he doesnt do much for me. But should I be counting on a man to do thing's for me to make me happy? That's how it was with my Ex Mark! He took care of me financially and bought me almost everything I wanted where it got the point where I lost the whole " romanticism " in our relationship. I had forgoten that I had loved him as a person. He was too extravagant sometimes, taking us to much overly priced restaurants. After that relationship had ended I had realized that I lost someone that I really did love, because at that point I was working 2 jobs and supporting my self in ways I never had before and realizing that I can make it with out him and I wanted him back soo back just to be there in my life because I really truely did love him and I appreciated everything he did for me. Unfortunately he took his own life a month and a half after we had broken up. I had then gotten into a relationship with Chris after a few months of loosing Mark. Chris was 37 year old man that had what seemed to be everything. 2 homes, 2 cars, a boat and lots of money. He would take me out all the time and pay for my friends and again I was receiving extravagant gifts. But that fell apart, my lack of attractiveness to him was unbearable. I wasn't able to think of being with him sexually without gagging. So my point is, being spoiled with gifts and over attentiveness isn't really what I want. It doesnt matter what a man has or what he does. All that matter's is who makes me happy. Just like Ann Murray said " Even though we aint got money I'm soo in love with you honey" Because you can love a man with out money.... It is possible!!